4 am

4 am
He looks peaceful but I don’t see him in his face. I see him in the lights.  The florescent lights, the ones in the hallway.  He follows me into a dark room. He is there if I need him and I turn on the light switch.  If I need rest he let’s me turn the light down.  But he is not gone.  He is among us, watching.

I pray he feels no pain.  I pray the his angel wipes his tears if he is sad and does the things I should be doing but cannot.

I told the nurses I want to do as much of his care as I can.  I want to still change his diaper, wipe his boogers and wet his lips.  I am mom.  He still needs me.

It’s hard when I don’t seen him in his face.  I don’t feel like I need to be at his bed to be with him.  This vessel is empty.  He is here.  I can feel him in my chest and I see him in the lights.

Leave a light on for my Owen, just in case.  Maybe leave a light on when you go to sleep or even when the sun is shining.  Don’t the light switch off just yet.

We will know so much more when he warms up.  We are keeping him cool in hopes that his brain will recover.  So we honestly have no idea.  He could make a recovery.  He could make a recovery that is better to let go.

Tuesday at about 4:30am we will start the warming.  There will be someone from the medical study parked in our room the entire time, every step of the way.  Then they will run tests to see if he is brain dead or not.  2% chance.  But still a chance.

My prayers are for Owen’s comfort.  May he feel the warmth of other’s prayers as I do.  Let him hear my voice. Most of all let him hear that I will be ok. I don’t know how yet.  But I don’t want to be a reason for him to stay.  I want to support his life … Even if it’s his afterlife.

Owen your mommy loves you.  Your daddy loves you.  Your brothers love you.  Your grandparents love you .. Aunts, uncles, friends, your godmamas and goddaddys, church, nurses, doctors, neighbors, strangers around the world love you.  Feel the warmth of their prayers.  Be not afraid.

30 thoughts on “4 am

  1. Prayers are still going strong!! Up this morning with thoughts and prayers for Owen and his family!

    1. We love you and you are an amazing woman and mother. Your note this morning shows that you have a realistic perspective and as a truly selfless loving mother your writings show that you want what is best for Owen. So many prayers and the love of family and friends surround you and Doug and your family. We wait to hear if Owen will make it or if you have to let him go. I hope you feel Will’s calm, honest, loving support hovering over all of you at this time. Our thoughts are with you every moment. We love you, “O”

  2. We are thinking and praying for Owen. You are in great hands at Childrens. They are an amazing hospital. Stay strong. Thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  3. Thinking of u and ur family. Owen is constantly on my mind-keeping hope, and praying for all our prayers to be answered. Us Moms r here for u.

  4. Melissa, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family…stay strong and please let me know if there is anything I can do for you and your family.

  5. My heart goes out to you Melissa and your family. May you feel the power of prayer and the love and protection of all the angels who are surrounding you and Owen. I wish there was an easy solution, so very sorry for your stress as you wait. He is protected, as a mom who watched my daughter..I truly believe they are the most special, most proctected children. Love to all of you!

  6. Melissa-

    I am praying for you, Owen and all of your family. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

  7. I am so very sorry. I am thinking of you and praying that God continues to provide you strength. You are an amazing Mom Mel! ‘Having hope will give you courage.’ JOB 11:18

  8. Melissa and Family,

    Everyone here at Summit View is praying for Owen and hoping for a miracle.

    Becky

  9. We are praying so hard for your little Owen, and hoping everything turns out ok. We will be thinking of you, God Bless all of you ♥ ♥

  10. Owen,
    Im praying for you buddy. Your grandma and my family has known eachother for a long time and has been like family and I wanted you to know that we are praying for you Owen. May God shine his light upon you and let you stay here with your brothers and mommy & daddy. You are loved and everyone here is pulling for you… May God bless you Owen..
    XOXOX

  11. Melissa,
    Dorien and I will be praying for Owen and your family. Please know that if you need anything that I am just a phone call away……

  12. Melissa, I have been thinking about you and Owen non-stop since I found out what heppened. I did some research on the ‘cooling method’ to prevent brain damage after o2 deprevation, and it is amazing! I am praying like crazy that it helps Owen!!! Babies are SO much stronger than we think, especially when they have strong parents. I hope you get good news (or at least “not terrible” news tomorrow! I know this is a time when your definition of “good” changes a bit. ((hugs))) to all of you!!!

  13. We were all praying together about owen and then i got done saying that owen is in all the lights. When i got done saying that 1 single light in the church came on and was facing us. We felt owen’s presence and we had to share with you!! We love you all and owen!! God Bless!

  14. We are praying for you both and baby Owen (so is our church in Oconomowoc). We will continue to pray for a miracle and that you and your family could some how experience Christ’s peace and strength in all this. We are so sorry for all you are going thru. Please let Chris know how we can help. Blessings, Chris and Laura

  15. We will continue prayers for Owen and the family! Our hearts are with you!
    The Gregers

  16. Hell0- I just stumbled upon your blog, and now I will be praying. I do know that we can call on the One that knows ALL things and truly is the Great Physician. So, I am coming to the Father through Jesus on Owen’s behalf seeking God for him. I am SO, SO sorry. I can only imagine the pain. Much love to you right now.

  17. Melissa, Doug & Family:
    Prayers of love, comfort, strength and peace for all of you, and especially Owen.
    “…God is faithful and God will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing, God will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.” Corinthians 10:13

  18. Mel – we will keep a light on for Owen – all of them in fact! It’s the least we can do along with all the prayers. My triplets are just one month older then your boys and I can’t imagine what you are going through — my heart is breaking for the pain you must be feeling. Praying for Owen, you and your family….

  19. God bless you baby Owen. I claim the blood of Jesus on Owen. I lift him up and his family. My heart breaks for you. May God’s peace be with you.

  20. Melissa, I’m thinking of you and your family. I haven’t stopped thinking of you since I heard the news. I will keep you and baby Owen in my prayers.

  21. Thinking of you and praying for your family. Know that Jesus is holding precious baby Owen in his loving arms! Nathan wanted to make sure I told Owen’s Mommy that we said a special prayer tonight that God would heal baby Owen, and Lauren–in her little 3 year old voice–prayed that God help Owen get better too. “Little ones to Him belong; they are weak but He is strong!”

  22. Melissa & Family:

    We are part of your church family and have been praying for all of you since we first heard. Our Nuture Group and Dick’s prayer group lifted up your family and Baby Owen in prayer last evening. Stay strong and know that God loves you all. He will be with and take care of Owen no matter what the future holds. Your church family is here to support and help your family thru this difficult time.

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