The truth is near. I’m so scared of the truth. Why can’t I live in hope just a little longer. Would I feel more prepared tomorrow? Probably not. The past 36 hours have been light, filled with hope. I can feel my Owen here in the room. In my heart, waiting for his body to be ready for his return.
But what if his body fails him. What if his spirit is wanting to stay, but his mortal body won’t function? He can’t stay in a boat without a motor. He can’t sail the waters of life with out a paddle to steer him. I’ve been packing for his trip…giving him food, and prayers and water. Giving him an eternal life jacket. He needs to finish his journey. He’s deserves a chance.
Reality is terrifying right now. Rationally I know that the truth is what I need and that it is the best. But let me live in my balloon. You know what would be even better? Let my balloon become my reality. Maybe my hope is my truth.
Lord grant me the strength to face the truth. Take my hands and use them to do your will. Hold my heart in your hand and let it slow down. Let me be chill like my Owen.
Let my hope be my reality.
Ps we have only one more temp jump. 8:30 we make the last move and we stop the paralysis meds. The meds can take about 8-10 hours to wear off. So we are waiting for 4 am again. The truth is near.