This isn’t the blog I wanted to write. This is the news I knew of but didn’t want to hear. The truth, as heavy as I imagined.
They ran the test but couldn’t finish. His blood pressure is too low to get the last one in. So we are giving him a blood transfusion and will complete the last test in the morning. The last test is to take him off of the ventilator to see if he’ll to take a breath on his own. It’s not something to hope for, more of a formality.
The doctor is pretty sure Owen is gone. We are getting the closure to fully accept this harsh truth.
There will be a miracle this week, just not mine. Doug and I plan to donate as much as they will take. He will live on in his eternal life as well as on earth. I don’t know if there will be the option to know who they go to, or if I will walk this earth looking at children and wondering if they carry my Owen.
What am I going to tell Jaden? Or Weston and Logan when they are old enough? Do they already know he is gone?
The thought that makes my gut wrench is thinking about when things go back to normal. when we are out in public … People are going to comment on my twins. I might punch them in the face. How do I not relive this every time someone says my kids are cute. Will I ever glow as a proud mom or always have to breath thru the pain?
It won’t be official until late tomorrow. They will give him a complete test to be absolutely sure. We pray for comfort and peace. Owen you are in the lights, but you won’t be coming home. I’ll leave them on anyhow.