The time was going so slow. I just wanted this to be over. I was almost looking forward to sharing Owen’s story. Who pressed the fast forward button? Owens funeral is looming on the horizon.
Will I find the right words? Will I be able to express my gratitude? How will I possibly make it thru the whole day? When I dress in the morning, should I wear makeup? I haven’t cried in days …. I’m so numb. Will it be the same tomorrow?
I want to slow time down. I’m not ready to burry my son. He has so much more to do in life … Kindergarten, try more foods other an sweet potatoes, graduate from high school, fall in love, have kids of his own. I’m broken that he won’t do any of these.
I’ve been trying to think of something on a happier note to share. Perhaps a Jaden story. But I cant find nothing. My mind is full of Owen. Flashes of that Saturday night.
Finding him in his crib FLASH. Laying him on the floor FLASH. Starting chest compressions. His eyes were open FLASH. At Waukesha Memorial trying to stand in the corner. Such a huge relief when his heart started to beat again FLASH.
And it just keeps going. I’m trying to stay focused on the present, on Logan, Jaden and Weston. It will come. It will get worse before it gets better. But it will come. I pray that I am strong enough.
I know it’s ok to need my friends and family … I am just numb now. I fear when I will start to feel and it cripples me. I pray for continued strength.