We are home. Yep … home sweet home. Hardly. There are moments when I’m happy to be here and others that I would rather be anywhere else but here! Yesterday (Sat) morning we all woke up and got moving. Doug and I took the kids outside while we pulled weeds. I could really have cared less about pulling weeds, but it was something to keep my mind (and hands) busy. Weston and Logan slept/played in a playpen in the shade and Jaden ran around like his usual crazy self.
After about two hours I was restless. I needed to leave the house for a while. We decided to head over to my parent’s house for a BBQ with my sister and some friends.
It was hard to have a real good time. I found myself being a real downer on the conversation when I brought up Owen. I didn’t mean to, I was just speaking what was on my mind. Either I’m being morbid or others aren’t quite sure how to respond. I know my friends love me. Who really knows what the ‘right’ thing to say is when a child dies? In fact, there is nothing ‘right’ about a child dying. It goes against the entire circle of life.
We shared a lot of laughs too. I find it still easy to share in other’s joy and happiness. That hasn’t changed for me.
The boys are doing well. Jaden asks a lot of questions. Like “when is Owen coming back?” Or “I miss my baby brother, why did he have to die?” I try to answer them the best that I can. I just hope I’m doing the right thing with him.
The other two seem to be hanging in there too. This morning Logan and Weston had fun rolling around on the floor and on each other.
At mom’s, Jaden wanted to go in the hot tub. Little did we know he would meet his future wife … Violet. This photo was NOT staged … they were kissing on their own. What did the adults do? Giggle! We are terrible …
it gets better … we got it on tape!
Even though our days are gray, Doug and I are trying to still find the good in life. Trying to keep going and not get sucked into our own wallow of sorrow. Doug is much better at this part than I am. I was stronger in the hospital and now it’s his turn to lead the way.
It’s not any easier yet. I’m told it will be over time … but I’m thinking it’s going to take an entire lifetime to get easier.
Love,
Mel