Still Waiting

We still sit and wait. Trying to enjoy vacation while taking breaks to call the cardiologist. I flash back to the hospital, trying to get the results of the CT Scan. Something wasn’t right. Why is it when I call the cardiologist they say they faxed over the report and when I call the pediatrician they say the boy’s doctor is out today … Can someone just break the news? Good or bad? It’s a gray cloud at the lake house. A monster in the dark.

A monarch just flew by. That’s the third time I saw one … Orange. The color of a warrior. Owen is near. His spirit comforts me. It’s hard to admit that I am asking my 6 month old baby boy for strength. So much in this world doesn’t make sense…

Love, mel


  1. Theres always butterflies around me on my important days, ie HS Graduation, baby shower, birthdays, etc…I like to think of it as my Twin sister who didnt make it to see her 1st birthday, much like Owen she is a warrior, and has lived through the lives of several people, one of which I met a while back. Its touching to know that even after something so sad and tragic for my family that her heart, eye tissue and kidneys live on. Try not to stress, everything happens for a reason

  2. Owen may have been a 6th month old in body but is as wise as an old man in knowledge and spirit now. It’s right that you are comforted by him. That’s probably the job that God has given him.

    Still praying for ya…

  3. Ugh! What is wrong with doctors. Don’t they know how important test results are? Owen is there with his family. Forever watching over you. Still praying for good results. Hang in there.

  4. Be At Peace (by Francis de Sales)
    Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life;
    rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise, God,
    Whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things;
    and when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His Arms.
    Do not fear what may happen tomorrow; the same understanding
    Father who cares for you today will take care of you then and every day.
    He will either shield you from suffering or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.

  5. I am still praying for your family. I just wanted you to know that there will always be good from Owen’s life. The love that has been generated during your pregnancy, birth and Owen’s life reflects the love that our God gives us. We have seen the face of God through Owen’s love, his laughter, his hugs. That good can never be taken away from you. It is in your heart and in your memories. It is in your pores, your skin, your mind. It is in the colour orange, it is in Owen’s spirit that lingers on near you.

    My dad died a little over a year ago. I still feel his presence near me when I sit on my swing in the flower patch. Owen is definitely there with you. My dad imparts wisdom. Owen imparts strength and protection for you. May you continue to feel his presence and love.

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