The walk has been on my mind since Friday night….preparation, execution and reflection. I’ve been drafting my blog post in my head for the past 48 hours, waiting for the chance to sit down and write it all out. Yet here I am, writing about something other than the walk.
I took Jaden to his first Healing Hearts meeting. (Healing Hearts is a grief support group in the area for families.). I didn’t sign up for the class yet, but wondering if I should. I wanted Doug to take it with me, but I’m thinking that is not going to happen. Perhaps next week.
As we gathered into the common room, Jaden was so excited. Who are his teachers? Who are his friends? I sat there, misty eyed that he had to go through this. I cried because he had a reason to come. He has the same thing in common as the others in the room, he’s lost someone he loves.
I felt foolish for crying, yet I have wanted so badly to cry since the walk. Tears just come! They are in there, waiting …. My eyes teared up in church yesterday too. As pastor spoke before communion, I remembered communion at Owen’s funeral. I pictured his little body, in his little casket on the big alter. I pictured the white paul draped over him like a blanket. Doug laid him on the alter as a sacrifice to God. The slain lamb. The gift I didn’t want to give, but had to.
So I sit here at a nearby restaurant, blogging while Jaden meets other kids like him. At the NICU reunion yesterday he came back from the face painting booth with an angel painted on his hand. It was for Owen. All on his own he is finding ways of remembering his brother. I admire my son. Jaden you amaze me.
Hi Mel…it’s Aunt Kathy. I wanted to let you know that I cried in church yesterday too for my Dad. Sometimes it just a song that will start me off. And it has been over 6 years since his passing. Being sad is part of it and missing is a part. In the end, I’m still okay and I can still have a great day. Our faith is strong and we are seldom ever given reasons to answer our Why? But I think Dad is happy knowing that he is still thought about and missed. And I think he helps me through those times. You will have lots of those days where the tears are very close. Embrace those times, we just have to make sure we don’t get stuck and dwell in them for too long. Otherwise we will miss out on this crazy adventure called Life.
I am just amazed at how strong your sweet son it. I shouldn’t be…. Look at his mother. I pray for you often. I love your sweet family even though we may never meet face to face. Sending love and prayers daily!
What a sweet sweet boy. Mel…he is STRONG! and he has a STRONG mama. He will get through this too. He is going to be one amazingly compassionate and caring person.
I think your strength has given Jaden the strength. He is defenitely one sweet boy. Its great he is able to find his own ways to cope. always thinking fo your and your family. I wore Orange joggers in the house over the weekend. I thought of Owen a lot. God bless you. wish one day we could meet in person, I probably would freeze and not know what to say.
What an amazing little boy! He’s been so strong this entire time and I know that he’s learned it from you. It’s wonderful to see him honoring his little brother, who you can tell that he loved so much, through little acts like this… I wish our families could meet. You and yours have touched my heart and continue to do so with every blog post (and yes, I read every one). Much love!