Here I was getting the kids ready for bed and planning out a whole blog in my head about how we’ve all been recovering from sickness this past week. Then … the Brewers win! Doug and I had all the boys in the living room. We all jumped up and down. Hollered and hooted. I grabbed the empty bottles and headed for the kitchen – still jumping and prancing around. Then … BAM! I slipped on a rattle, went up in the air, twisted my knee and landed flat on my back. Ugh! I laid in the fetal position for a second, taking an assessment as to if I was still alive or not. Doug even got up to see if I was ok. If you know my husband (and I love him), this was big. Then I laughed. I laughed so hard. Have you ever done that? Totally wiped out and then laugh hysterically? Needless to say the third toe on my left foot hurts, but I lived to tell the tale.
So back to being sick all week. (Hardly exciting after the rattle incident.) The triplets had some bad colds this weekend. They refused to sleep in the their beds. REFUSED. We learned to sleep like this:
These are the moments now that both remind me why I love being a mom and why it’s bittersweet to have only two babies. See, if Owen was still alive, what would I do? I couldn’t hold all three of them (physically impossible to get all three on my lap without help) … so would I hold only one and feel like I was playing favoritism or would I hold two and leave one by themselves? That was my least favorite part about being a mom of triplets. I couldn’t hold my kids without feeling guilty about not being able to hold all three. Now I can hold all of my babies, but I feel guilty for savoring it because that means Owen died.
I still hold both of them as much as I can. Or I let Jaden crawl all over me while feeding one of the triplets. One thing I certainly don’t have as a mom is a personal bubble. I love cuddling and snuggling. I think the kids love it too. 🙂
Other stuff coming up? I’ve started planning the triplet’s first birthday party. I’m SO excited. It’s going to be an amazing day of celebration and of course remembering Owen. But I want it to be a celebration of surviving and living the past year. It’s really going to be a great day.
Ok … off to design some wedding invitations and look for more ideas for the triplet’s birthday.
Love, Mel
You my friend that I long to know more… are holding all three of them as they are ill. You know it and so does everyone eles. I love it when you call your baby boys “the triplets” because they are nothing less than that. And it is you that makes sure that it is so. I admire you more than you could ever know!
You are such a good mama!
wipe out story- both hilarious and I’m wincing for you at the same time!
Triplets photo- adorable. My personal opinion is that you shouldn’t feel guilty for being glad you can hold both of them. I’m sure Owen wouldn’t want that, and you being gad to be able to carry those two physically while you carry Owen in your heart doesn’t mean you’re letting anyone down. It means you’re being a good Mama.
You are disgusting….I lost a child at 13 weeks and would NEVER be able to say that this was “bittersweet”…HELLO…..this was your child….REALLY !!!!!! I just DO NOT GET YOU !!!!!!! PLEASE, get the appropriate HELP that you need.
K…YOU are the one that is disgusting and YOU are the one that needs help. Who are YOU to say how anyone should cope with the death of a child? You lost your child and God gave YOU the authority to dictate how other’s should feel? If you really lost your child, YOU, of all people, should know that this is not how to treat others. What do YOU think the Bissing family should be feeling right now? This family can not change what happened and are turning a dark situation into something positive. Why can’t YOU do the same?
“K” – I usually don’t get involved with the comments after reading the blog, but your impulse emotional response was distasteful, and showed a lack of understanding the post. I think Mel fully understands what it feels like to lose a child, and I don’t get the impression anywhere in the post that Mel was happy for the loss of Owen. The loss of a child is a significant and tender pain that never goes away. What you may not understand is that having 3+ babies leaves a feeling of guilt that one cannot hold all of their children at once. Unless you have had 3+ babies, feeling like any one of them isn’t getting their due time is a very real feeling, and one that hurts the heart. It appears that Mel is trying to find the little silver linings on a daily basis which is exactly what needs to be done — a continual state of mourning is not healthy to the individual or family. Mel can hold and tend to the babies all at once, and all in her arms, but it is not savored without remembering the loss of Owen. You may be entitled to your thoughts, but to throw out the terms “disgusting” and calling for Mel to get help aren’t acceptable. Perhaps you have a few issues that haven’t been resolved if your response is so eviscerated, but perhaps the better option is that you don’t read this blog moving forward. Better judgement before posting would be recommended on any blogs moving forward.
This was SOOOO not needed to be posted. How dare you judge her???? she has been through enough!
Wow K, possibly you need some grief counseling, I find it sad that you could criticize anyone dealing with a loss.
What gives you the right to EVER judge another mother like this? Those that have gone through grief counseling know that grief takes all shapes and forms. Melissa’s grief is different from yours as she is the mother to triplets. You cannot possibly relate. Knowing Melissa like I do, I can assure you she and her family are doing an AMAZING job. When you are around them, the radiate hope and healing, while still remembering and morning the loss of Owen. That you felt the need to belittle and insult a beautiful person who has been courageous enough to share her story, makes me sad for you. No one is forcing you to read her story, SO “if you don’t get her,” then don’t read her blog…
(If you haven’t caught on, Melissa’s blog is built on honest, christian values. No part of what you wrote in your comment back to her, ties into that. If you choose to continue this journey with Melissa, then keep that Christian-filter in mind before you comment next time. The fact you only used your a single initial to identify yourself, leads me to believe you knew your comment was the wrong thing to do when you were creating it).
K—-13 weeks? Into the pregnancy?? Seriously??? Are you comparing a miscarriage to holding your child for months and learning their personality and seeing their smile and comforting them when they cry to never knowing them at all? I find that comparison rather DISGUSTING. Bittersweet is exactly what it is when a child dies… the death is bitter but the life they are living in heaven that is so much better than anything they would have had on this earth is sweet. Apparently you need HELP for even thinking your situation comes close to Melissa’s. NO ONE ON HERE GETS YOU!!!!!!!! PLEASE quit pretending you know what everyone else is going through when you don’t have a clue. That’s pathetic.
K:
Who the HELL are you to tell anyone how to mourn!! She is a great mother of 4 boys! Yes 1 might be in Heaven but she has every right to mourn her loss in HER own way!! Just because you lost a child as well doesn’t mean you mourn the same way!! You are the disgusting one & the one that NEEDS help!! I hope you…. (i am too good of a person to write what I really want because karma is a bitch)!! What comes around goes around so you better watch your back!
Maybe it wasn’t intended- but I think you hurt a lot of people by criticizing Mel and how she is feeling. I’m very sorry for your loss. As a fellow mommy of an angel, I can relate to what she posts on her blog. I feel lucky to call her a friend, and lucky that she shares her feelings as openly as she does. We are blessed that she is as open and vulnerable as she is. To prove that I agree with what Mel writes on here- you can read for yourself… http://www.mommyjonas.com
You are going down or have already gone down a very scary road. You really do need to get some help before you close off everyone and everything good around you.
You are such a good MOM….don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
The ONLY person whose opinion of you matters is Gods…and he has a perfect and clear opinion of you. He knows your heart. He knows how much you miss Owen and mourn to have him back. But He has also blessed you with some of his tender mercy and has allowed you heart to begin to heal.
Don’t worry about the misguided words of others. What “K” said was harsh and totally uncalled for but she doesn’t deserve our judgement either. She is obviously hurting to the core and needs our prayers, not our condemnation (although my “mama bear” instincts for you kicked in there for a minute….I had to calm the wild beast and find rationale again).
You poor mama’s…you have been through a lot…I hope I NEVER have to experience what you guys have.
You are wonderful. Keep plugging away….life keeps moving forward….Just enjoy and love those little darlings as much as is humanly possible.
Love,
Melanie
P.S. The question is, did YOU get any sleep this week?
K, Honestly? I can;t even believe u would say something like that. I hope someway Mel can block u off this blog. I’m sure its been hard on you for losing your child as it is for Mel, so for u to lash out at her like that was seriously uncalled for. She misses Owen, being able to hold the triplets the way she was of course made her think of Owen wishing he was there as well but she knows she would not be able to hold all 3 the way she was holding the 2. Mel keep loving those adorable triplets of yours and Jaden as well. Your the best mom. Always thinking of you all!!!!!!!!!
I just don’t know how something like that can b bitter “sweet”…there is no “sweetness” in losing a child……I do not see much mourning for Owen……it just almost seems like there is “relief” in not having to care for “triplets” anymore, but only two. Bitter “sweet”…just do not get it…have wanted to comment on other posts of hers as well……but haven’t…….you don’t stop grieving sooo quickly……you NEVER heal….as some of you are saying that she is doing at this time. I don’t get it !
Are you reading the same blog as the rest of us? Her grief over Owen is evident in every word she writes, in every event she plans. In every orange item she acquires. Just because she chooses to get up, and live her life, and care for her 3 boys on earth does not make her grief less palpable. Just because she looks for the positive – ANY positive, in the most tragic of situations doesn’t mean she’s any less horrorstruck than you were at losing your baby. If you’ve lost a baby you KNOW first hand how terrible she feels – so how can you judge anything she does to bring light and life and peace back into her life?
I wish peace and light and life for both of you – truly.
Well spoken Carlin. Mel is an amazing woman with incredible strength. I admire her. I couldn’t even come close to imagining the pain and emptiness of losing a child you birthed, held and everything else only to have them called to Heaven. I have had several miscarriages, but that to me is nothing like this. I pray that Melissa and “K” continue to find the strength and courage to get though this difficult time. One of the best ways to grieve is to move on. Not forget, but to move on with life. Melissa is doing an amazing job with that 🙂
she hasn’t healed you idiot!! she is mourning all the time!! you obviously aren’t reading her blogs with any understanding!! Get off this blog & don’t comment anymore! you don’t deserve to!
You must not be very intelligent. Mel was commenting on how she could hold two of her babies and that she CAN still hold two of her babies. They are still here and she relishes every moment of it. That’s the sweet. The bitter – that Owen is gone. She cannot hold him, she cannot relish in comforting him in being sick. Get a dictionary and I don’t understand all your “quotes” all over your comment. No where is it your place to judge, question, or understand any aspect of anyone’s life expect YOUR OWN!! Maybe that is what you need to focus on. Good for Mel for being as strong as she is. Not wasting her time and energy lashing out unnecessarily on other people’s blogs. Take a look in the mirror and examine the log in your eye before you point out a spec in someone else’s.
Just because you read this blog does not mean that you know Melissa. She has been generous enough to let whomever would like to read into her life but you have no idea what all the other bits of her life are like. I feel so very sorry for you that you are struggling to cope with your loss that you would, not once, but twice, return to this blog and be hateful. May you find peace and love in your heart.
Ok I’m sure she does not want to come on her blog and continue to read all this negativity so how about its just dropped. We all know that Mel Misses Owen. the entire family misses him. just leave the subject alone.
Melissa, I have followed along with your journey and you have so much of God’s light in you it’s incredible!!! I have often wanted to write but wondered what. My 5 boys have all fought for their lives, but I feel that you have gone through the unimaginable with such grace and dignity and I have SOOO very much admiration for you. While I do not have the joy of personally knowing you, I can see that the only way you can be the amazing mom you are and to keep moving forward for your boys, all three, is to really be living with God’s love…it’s so beautiful. Sharing your heart honestly and openly is a beautiful gift only from Him. Much love, Michelle
Obviously this woman does not know Mel – I find her comment sick and horrible – I am sorry Mel you had to hear anyone say anything like that to you. You are so loved and are SUCH an amazing mother – luv you
Don’t let anyone put you down! Mel, you are an amazing mother and your boys are lucky to have you!
Really K? How cowardous of you to make a statement like that to a grieving Mother. Seriously people deal with loss in all different ways and there is no “right” answer. If your going to come here and read then dont be hateful and if you cant do that then buzz off!
Hey Mel, just writing to say I hope your knee, back, and most importantly, your third toe, are ok after your fall. Great blog post, as always.
Jeez – 21 comments on this post. Haven’t read any of them…hope I didn’t miss anything 🙂
Love ya,
J
You are an amazing mother, who is dealing with extraordinary circumstances with grace, truth, and love. I, for one, will continue to support you, your family, and most importantly, your precious Owen, by proudly wearing his owenge and continuing to tell others of your story. There is no “right” way to deal with grief. For some it’s anger and bitterness — and for those I place also in my prayers, that someday they’ll find peace and joy, and yes, even the bittersweet moments that God shares. May God continue to bless your life richly, Mel. And may we all remember the spirit of Owen.
Funny to me that I just read all these comments after going for a walk with my neighbor this afternoon. We were talking about when she lost her son 11 years ago who was only 7. He was hit by a car and died at the scene. I told her I couldnt imagine what she went through and how do you go on/heal? She said there is not a day that goes by that she doesnt think about him and miss him. However, she has 3 living children here on Earth that still need her. Children who were also grieving their brother. What good would she be to them if she was down and out, not getting out of bed, checked out of life kind of attitude? Brett didnt need her anymore as God was caring for him now. She also said you have to allow yourself to mourn but also give yourself permission to heal. It doesnt matter how long you mourn, it will not change what has happened. I had to fight back tears hearing how strong her faith is. Mel, I believe you are alot like my neighbor. You do what you have to do to get through this, allow yourself time to grieve but remember it is ok to heal. MANY hugs to you today…
Dear Mel,
As a fellow mother of 6 and a lutheran christian woman, I want you to know that I find you to be amazing and wonderful. I have never lost a child and I can’t even begin to imagine the pain and horror. It is completely evident to me and most of your readers that you love your husband and your four boys. I have followed your blog for a while now and I have shared in your happiness, sadness, loneliness, anger and usually I allow people to have their feelings and voice their opinions without judgment, but “K’s” comment really hurts and I’ve tried to read and understand why she may feel the way she does about your blog and I just can’t. I can only say that she is still hurting obviously and may not have the support system or faith that she needs right now. I’m sorry that she felt so angered that she lashed out so cruelly at you. I also think what you and your family is doing in Owen’s honor is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing, I’ve learned a lot from you.
There are no words for what K wrote. You are dealing with this and being even more courageous by putting yourself out there. Unfortunately people will judge you harshly for unknown reasons. K was completely out of line and hopefully will leave you alone. Mel you are an amazing mother, one whom I admire more than you know. You are a strong woman who has endured so much. Keep doing an amazing job raising those boys! May God bless you, your family, and your friends.
Mel, this woman obviously doesn’t know you, she has her own hurt that she cannot deal with. Everyone grieves in their own way. We have seeing you at your highest and your lowest. You are honest. You share what you want to share. You tell us about your life, even though you don’t have to. You are an amazing person and we all know that. You are strong. We know you are strong in the fact that you have TRIPLETS and a four year old son and you are so strong for them. You cry, you laugh, you look for advice when you need it and for most it would be bittersweet to beable to hold both babies now since Owen has passed. And you know what that is OK!!! You are still grieving and you will be grieving about this for a long long time, if not for the rest of your life and that is NORMAL!!! And everyone will grieve differently. We can talk bad about this “K” and yes I would love to say a few choice words to her, but honestly she is grieving as well, and she is not controlling her grief in a way that we like. Should she be saying stuff like this on someone blog, absolutely not. She then should stop following and talk to someone about her own lose. If she is great, but talking bad about someone like she has is not ok. We all know the real you and that you are AMAZING! WE ALL LOVE you and those boys. Those boys are going to grow up with an amazing mom, dad and brothers and will always know about OWEN. As I wear orange today and everytime i see orange I think of a little boy that I never met. But I know so much about him because of his amazing mother and family. Stay amazing and dont feel like you cant share your feelings, cause we care and we know its OK to feel like that. Love ya… Jamie
Mel – for what it’s worth, the reason your blog is so very, very wonderful is because it is packed full of honesty. You say what you are really thinking, what you are truly enduring. Don’t change it. An occasional soul may not like it, but most of us, well, we really value what you have to say. Keep on doing what you do best!
Mel, you are an amazing mom who finds a way to appreciate the life God has given you everyday. That cannot be easy at times and I am in awe of your strength. No one should ever judge how another grieves. I am sad that “K” is struggling with the loss of a child too, however, attacking you is not a way to help her heal. Owen is clearly not “forgotten” and never will be as you so amazingly share his story in the most simplest of ways.
K. My first child was a full term stillborn baby boy. I was blessed to be his mother and have since had four other children (a set of triplets). I cannot understand your personal attack on Melissa’s grieving over Owen and happiness with his surviving brothers. I pray that you find peace and comfort.
Mel, I do not know you personally, but as a fellow mom of multiples I feel I know you. I did not lose a child in the flesh and do not know what you are going through, but I can say even on a day to day basis I understand the struggle moms of multiples go through. You seem to be doing a beautiful job of being there for your family. Keep up the good work!
I like you Mel and thats all I have to say about that.