One Christmas down, two to go.

We spent last weekend visiting with Doug’s family.  I do have to say I had a blast!  I spent some awesome time with my sister-in-law, Sherri.  Doug and I got along wonderfully (not always the case when we travel haha).  The kids were all spoiled rotten – exactly what is supposed to happen when they visit grandma’s house.

I wish I had some profound post today.  I wish I had a direct link to say what I was thinking.  Truth is, I’m not sure what I am feelings these days. Perhaps I’m numb.  Perhaps I’m being protected by prayer and God to enjoy this holiday.

One thing I’m learning is that the days that I think are going to be the hardest are usually not.  It’s the days where grief hits me by surprise that I hit rock bottom.

I keep looking for some pain that will vibrate through my soul.  I sat with Sherri one morning and watched a bunch of videos of Owen I found randomly on the Flip we brought.  I almost forgot how really doe-like his eyes were.  He would look up at you with these dark, calm, big eyes.

Watching his face have life in movies hurts more than just looking at his photo or his hand print.  It’s the evidence that there was once life that stabs me.  I physically feel the poking at my chest.

The memories of his life are becoming more grey.  They were vivid.  Like when I think back to yesterday, my memories have bright colors, sounds and smells with them.  When I think back to when Owen was rolling around on the living room floor, it’s more still images.  Muted colors.  Not sure what I might hear.  The memories aren’t really fading, they are just changing – becoming more concrete in time.  Stone like.

Perhaps it’s the stone memories that I feel these days.  I’m sure I will be ripped open again – without warning.  The wounds fresh and raw.  But for now, I am able to enjoy the Christmas with my boys – all of them.

Just a few more gifts to wrap – a few more sweets to bake.  Christmas is almost here! I am looking forward to spending time with my family – and having Doug home from work for a few days.

Sending Christmas blessings and prayers to all of you!

Love, Mel

Auntie Sherri & Logan

Jaden with his gift from Great Grandma

Logan’s eyes are hilarious in this one!

Grandkids with Grandma

The triplets got a sugar cookie as dessert for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

Doug brought 16 lbs of cheese (or at least it seemed like it) – here he is cutting up a buffet of his cheese. So serious ….

A Bissing Christmas tradition – pickled Herring – never understood it … but I tried it this year.  Just a little bit.  It’s not horrible, but I don’t think I’ll ever get excited over it.

Jaden took a traveling troll with him from 4K.  Here they are right before handing out presents!

Mom Bissing’s beautiful tree 🙂

Jaden practicing his photography skills … no too bad!

Weston looks up to no good!

Logan’s face is hilarious!

Weston & Logan got chairs, just their size and in their colors.

The FEAST of food before we started ….

The FEAST after … I swear we all stuffed our faces!  Doesn’t look like we even dented all the deliciousness.