It’s 10:40 am, I have to pick up Jaden by 11:15 (half day today for him) and I am not showered, haven’t brushed my teeth, haven’t wrapped the gifts I was planning to wrap, the house is a mess … and what am I doing?  Blogging!  Just feeling a little overwhelmed with it all and not really sure where to start so I guess I won’t. hahaha

Here is a little rant …. Why does Jaden feel the need to change his request to Santa a week and a half before Christmas?  A week and a half people!  Back in Nov he wrote a letter asking for a Wii game.  I figured that’s easy enough … I’ll stop at Game Stop and pick out something.  Easy one.  No need to rush out and get something before it sells out.  THEN at Doug’s work party he asked Santa for a Batman action figure … a big one.  REALLY?  I have asked him a few times since then and it’s consistently been a Batman toy.  A tall one.  Commence the stressing out.  I have gone to two Wal-Marts, Toys R Us, Target, JC Penny, Sears … nothing.  They are all sold out.  They have those smaller ones but he already has two of those. He wanted a bigger one this year.

Christmas has always had this magic about it for me … the time of year where you get exactly what you wanted.   I remember how happy my parents were when I opened the perfect gift.  I didn’t get it back then, but I totally get the warmth as a parent when you see your child just soooo thrilled!

My parents were crazy good at the Santa thing too.   I didn’t question it until I was in the 4th grade … when my teacher told me the ‘truth’.  MY 4th GRADE TEACHER!  Lame.  To this day I don’t know where my parent’s hid those presents … and trust me, I looked for them!  They had the neighbor write out the tags so it was different handwriting.  They always did something clever like leave the fireplace slightly open.  I really believed.  I had no reason not to.

I want that same magic for Jaden … I know it’s stupid and it’s about more than just gifts.  Love, Jesus, God … I know … This year I want the perfect gift for Jaden, not for material reasons, but to keep the fire of belief alive inside.  I want him to have the warm and fuzzies on Christmas morning because I love him that much.  I love him so I want him to be happy.  Just like doing random acts of kindness for your husband or friend.

It’s easy to remember your kids on Christmas, but don’t forget about your spouse.  It’s a time to let him/her know how much you love him too.  I say this as a way to remind myself too.  The holiday could totally suck … reminders of having three babies last year.  I have learned though that it is at least bearable with Doug by my side.  When he and I are on the same page and we can offer comfort to each other.  One thing I have learned for certain, without any doubt, is that I want to go through this grieving process with my husband.  Doug.  I don’t write too much about my marriage, I share almost everything about me as a mom.  Doug and I are a “normal” (what is normal?) couple.  We have our fights.  Owen’s passing has convinced me that I want to work through every fight.  It’s worth it.  I want my husband by my side.

If I don’t wrap this up, I’m going to have a very upset 5-year-old because I’m late.  So love yourself, love your kids and love your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other this Christmas season.  It doesn’t have to cost $, but find an extra special way to let them know just how much you really love them.  It’ll be worth it.

Love, Mel