How do you measure your value?  How do you know you are valuable?  I was thinking about this on my way home tonight.  I really
don’t feel like I matter to this person.   In fact, in this particular case, reading a book was more important that talking with me and keeping me company on the ride home.

I don’t want to come off as self-righteous and say that there is nothing more important that talking with me.  That is CERTAINLY not the case!  There are plenty of things that are much more important than me in this world.  Tonight was about a person who is very special to me – we haven’t spent time together in a really long time and I missed them.  When they made it brutally clear that they didn’t want to talk with me, I felt pretty crummy.  How could a 200 page book, made of paper, be more valuable than a person?  Someone you supposedly care about?

It got me thinking … How do I show others that they are valuable to me?  What do I value in myself?

Right on cue, this song started playing …

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done
Or what I will become
Who will love me for me

So many of our relationships are ruined in this world.  Relationships are messy.  They have scares, grudges, hurt, lies … I think I can speak for most – we all just want to feel loved.  To be accepted just as we are, imperfections and all.  I don’t want someone to try to change me – frankly I like some of my scars.  They help tell my story.  They are my learnings.  Proof that I have learned things along the way.  That I am stronger today and I was yesterday.  But what about the things that I am not proud of?  Will someone still love me then?

I am uncertain of myself at times – I need to talk things through, out loud.  I need reassurance in life, more than others at times.  I have an incredibly immature sense of humor – I’m sorry but the word butt or wiener just never get old in my book.  Who is going to love me even when I don’t act my age?  Do they get all embarrassed of me and tell me to knock it off … or do that laugh, blush and move on – because they know it’s just me.  Who is going to love me when I’m crabby or having a bad day?

I want to matter.  I want to feel valuable to those who I hold close to my heart.  I feel like a deflated balloon when someone choses such silly, material things rather than a person.  A human has feelings, a book does not.  And sometimes someone else’s feelings matter more than what you’d rather do.  Really, whose feelings would have been crushed had you put your book down and just took 30 mins to talk to me?  Honestly, no one’s.  You might not have gotten to do what you wanted to … but the other person wouldn’t feel so invaluable tonight.

Makes me really think about who loves me … for me?  Not for what I have done or what I what I will become.  But loves me for just plain old me.

Love, Mel


  1. Mel,

    I completely understand your point of view, and maybe from the other side as well. You should be honest with this person, sometimes when we do things that seems little to us they can hurt another and we dont realize the large ramifications. so the only way to let this person understand is by opening a dialogue, and if they continue acting so impartial then maybe they arent worth your time.

  2. As much as we want people to instinctively know what we need and what we want, I have learned (and I am getting very old and wise) 😉 that we have to actually TELL the other person what we want. If this happens again just say to the person, Hey, I could really use your ear tonight. Or hey, I could really use your advice. People (and I think men specifically) need to know what we require. The church did a small group study a few years ago, and one of the main points was that in ‘love’ we ‘bear with one another.’ And as we are ‘bearing with’ others, they are ‘bearing with’ us. Once I realized I wasn’t perfect (hard to believe, I know) and that someone was actually ‘bearing with’ me, it felt easier to do the same for someone else… 🙂

  3. How was this persons own psyche? Was there something deeply troubling them that if they didn’t absorb themselves in a book that they would have totally lost it and they just didn’t feel strong enough to face their troubles just yet? As hard as it is to not internalize what people are projecting on you, just maybe, it wasn’t you and she still loves you. I hope you find peace with this because losing good friends is hard and I hope this is not one of the cases.

  4. Thank you for that post. I have been following your blog for quite some time now and in a very different way, I can connect to it. I read about your loss to try to understand my own (even though its very different). I have actually said to myself, she has made it through and I can too. But being valued and loved is something that’s very important to me. I am wanting to be loved just for who I am and not someone that someone else wants me to be. It’s good to have those people that will just listen, let us act like us, and know that they will still be around. I hope your situation works out for you. Thanks for posting 🙂

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