Easter is almost here … crazy. I naturally think about what we were doing last year. Last year Doug and I were so excited to bring the triplets up to Green Bay for the first time. I remember their matching “My First Easter” onesies. I can remember taking tons of pictures as it was the first time many of Doug’s relatives had met the new babies. Then I remember printing the photos for the boards at Owen’s funeral … that quick a happy memory is brought back to reality.
I’m not really sure how I feel about Easter. We are going up to Green Bay again to visit Doug’s family. I might be the only wife who gets excited to see her in-laws 🙂 I don’t have an extended family to offer my kids and family is so important. My heart is so happy seeing Jaden run around with the cousins and having so much fun. I’m really glad Doug agreed to make the drive up again this year.
In the same breath I fear doing the same thing. Will Owen’s absence feel greater by being in the same house? With the same people? Every second of reality being echoed by a memory of what used to be. I welcome the pain. It’s how I know I’m still alive – I feel.
The hype of the one year anniversary continues to build. I’ve been thinking of what I want to do to honor the day. I don’t want it to pass like just any other day. There are people who I think of every day that should be recognized. I still think of the paramedics who flooded the nursery sometimes when I walk in to change a diaper. I picture the view from the ambulance front seat when I drive past the fire station on my way to the grocery store. There is no escaping these memories and flash backs. The come without warning and leave a trail of raw pain.
I’ll figure out a way to remember Owen in a special way on Easter. I still have a few days to figure it out. To prepare myself for what I may or may not feel/think.
Here are a few of my favorite pictures from last Easter. So much life and wonder in these. I miss Owen.
My sister just bought the boys’ Easter outfits – just wait to see what they’ll have on this year. I’ll be posting pictures for sure!