Tomorrow we have an Organ Donor Network memorial. It’s an event put on by the network to honor those who have given the gift of an organ or tissue. I haven’t put much thought into what it’s going to be like. Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

Doug, myself and my brother and sister will be attending together. I thought it would be a nice way to honor them as Owen’s godparents. I haven’t even thought about what I am going to wear. Something orange of course. I must be wearing orange tomorrow. The only dress clothes I have bought since having the triplets is the dress I wore to Owen’s funeral. I don’t know if I’ll ever wear it again or not.

I go back and forth about it. I don’t want it to lose it’s memories. Or the memory of Owen’s funeral to be covered with other memories of when I also wore the dress. I don’t want the dress that I wore on such an important day to be diminished to an everyday item in my closet. I’d never wear my wedding dress again … It just would not fit in. Obviously I’d stick out like a sore thumb walking around in a huge white dress … Why would it be any different with the dress I wore on June 1st? They both hold the same importance, if not more, in my heart.

But the importance isn’t visible. The dress I wore that day could be mistaken for a dress worn to a wedding reception or maybe on a first date. Perhaps it was a dress worn to an interview. All of these possibilities yet, I wore the dress the day I said a goodbye to my son.

So who knows really what tomorrow will bring. I hope some honor to Owen’s early departure. Maybe a little bit of healing. I hope tomorrow will bring me closer to my brother and sister and my husband. I pray that I will be able to feel the pain tomorrow. I welcome the pain … feeling the pain earns me a little bit more healing.

Love, Mel