I am a survivor!

I survived. I made it through the day. I was disappointed this afternoon when no one seemed to want to talk about Owen. Everyone seemed to be enjoying a normal day. We just happened to all be wearing orange.

We watched the video from Owens funeral. Some of us cried. The photos where all three boys are together were the hardest. It was blinding how there is one missing. Logan kept making me smile and laugh as he kept spinning himself round and round until he would fall over. I wanted the time to be sad … But it was ok to laugh too. I felt like he was trying to cheer me up or something. Its more likely because he is just a ham.

After the video most people left. It was around 9pm. Those of us who were left wanted to do a bonfire. So we moved the party out to our house so we could put the babies to sleep in their own beds.

It was a perfect ending to the night. The sky was clear and I felt Owen looking down on us through the stars. We spoke his name. We recounted the events the night he got sick and the days following. I had never heard what really happened at the house after I left in the ambulance. It was seriously one of the greatest gifts. I needed to hear his name. I needed to go through the details again. Recounting what happened and what we were feeling. We all didn’t have the puzzle pieces yet. We knew most of it but there were small holes.

Time is invaluable. You cannot put a price on something like this evening. The gift and peace I received will be cherished, I will remember Owens first angel day but the conversation and laughs I shared at the bonfire tonight. Thank you Rachael, Sarah and Abby. You keep me going just when I think I can’t go any farther. Love you girls!

Love, Mel


  1. I am so happy that Owen’s 1 year anniversary turned out to be such a great day spent with family and friends who u love. Always thinking of you and how much of a great mother you are. Always keep your head up. God gives u the strength.

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