Ever think about the decisions you’ve made and how they got you to where you are? I’ve been thinking about a lot of things … the boyfriends I broke up with and maybe shouldn’t have. The nights I went out drinking in college and should have stayed home. The wrong boys I dated who eventually drove me off a cliff … literally. Ultimately when I chose to go one way, I chose NOT to go another. What would my life be like if I had gone the other way? If I would have gone left instead of right or zigged instead of zagged?
Clearly, there are many parts of my life that I would never change … ever. If I did I wouldn’t have Jaden. I wouldn’t have the triplets. I wouldn’t know certain things about myself. Maybe I’d be worse off … but I can’t help but wonder if I’d be better off.
If I had studied abroad my Junior year in college as planned, would I have been more traveled? Yes. Would I have ended up marrying someone else? Maybe. Would I know more about myself? Probably. But would I be better off … I just don’t know. I just can’t help but wonder “what if” some days.
I’ve got to trust that I’ve been led on this path by a greater force. But what if I was led on this path more so because I have freewill. Therefore, I am not, in fact, living the lift that was intended for me? What if I’ve just made a total screw up for what God really had planned for me?
Does He makes stuff up as He goes? Does His plans for me change when I go right when I should have gone left? Does He already know the mistakes that I’ll make tomorrow? Are they too apart of His bigger plan? It’s just so complex … sort of like which came first, the chicken or the egg?
I just can’t help but wonder how my life would be different had I made different choices along the road.