When Owen was sick, I really had no control in the situation. All I could do was wait and pray. I had the time to dedicate to my thoughts and feelings. I didn’t have other distractions that used up my strength. All of my energy was being focused on my sick and dying baby. I had the time and strength to see clearly the words I should be praying. “Dear Lord, please give me the strength to let Your will be done. You are all knowing and I trust in you for a blessed outcome.”

Having the quiet hours to meditate is not always how real life works. I can barely use the bathroom in quiet. And what I’m learning is that I’m not as quick to rely on God for direction when I’m in the midst of my busy life.

Think about it, my day is filled with cleaning up messes, planning how to get the laundry done, watching the clock for when I should start dinner. It’s all driven by my own control and planning. I can’t sit around and say “God, you let me know when the right time to make dinner is.” I guess I could but that’s a little extreme for me.

So when I face more life decisions and choices, it’s hard to stop my natural reaction (to plan). Rather I need to pray and wait for some direction. Pray about my options. And really when I pray, I want to be praying for the strength and wisdom to follow where He will lead me. I personally don’t want to be praying so hard for what I think I want and for what I think is right and totally miss out on a blessing God had in store for me. I want to follow His lead in this. It’s exactly what I’ve learned to do through my life trials and it has never lead me wrong. Not once.

This whole concept really dawned on me when the Garth Brooks song “Unanswered Prayers” came on the radio last night. He spends his high school days, begging for God to make his girlfriend his for all time. When he runs into his high school sweetheart years later, he realizes that if he would have married her, he wouldn’t have the wife and kids he has today. So he thanks God for not answering that prayer. It’s sort of like an “I told you so” moment for the big guy. Although, I really don’t think that’s what he is saying up in heaven … But he totally could if he wanted to. He knows what is right all along … He’s got the master plan. And I know I can say that I too thank God for some of my unanswered prayers…

What I think is right for me, might not be in the long run. What I think is the best option, might not be. All of my uncertainty and all of my desire to plan everything out has got to be let go. In a way its a lot less pressure on my own shoulders on whether or not I’m making the right decisions. I’m responsible for following … Not for being able to predict which choice will have he better outcome. I have to trust that when the right situation presents itself, I’ll know.

Love, Mel