There are two kinds of people … yes people and no people. Some are yes people. They say yes to almost everything. Others are no people. You might feel like they say no to just about everything. I am 110% a yes person. You can talk me into just about any crazy idea if its going to be a good time (and safe of course) or I’m able to help someone. My sister and I joke that my mom never taught us how to say the word no because she too is a yes person. We all find ourselves helping with crazy projects, volunteering to get the job done or running some crazy kind of errand because it will make someone’s day. Because I’m so willing to inconvenience myself, I get really hurt and/or get frustrated when some else tells me no. If I am willing to do it for them, why won’t they say yes to me?
I had a revelation – what if everyone is a yes person, just in their own way. It depends on how you look at things. When you say no you are saying yes to something unspoken. What do you or the people around you say yes to? I usually say yes to doing things. I don’t mind having to get creative if it still means I can do what I want. So I say yes to the crazy trips and yes to crazy ideas because im looking at a bigger picture – it’s better to work hard in order to do things than it is to miss out on an experience.
There are some people that would say no to the experience … But rather, they are saying yes to the unspoken idea of just keeping things simple. By saying no to the question at hand they might be “unspeaking” yes to less clutter, a quieter schedule, simple afternoons, and so on. They are “unsaying” yes to a different experience than the one in question.
I get really discouraged when someone says no for no apparent reason. At least explain your reasoning… But not everyone I come into contact with is willing to explain themselves. The ownership is on me to find a way to a accept their answer. If I don’t, the resentment builds and I find myself upset with them for a response that really wasn’t wrong – it was just not what I would have liked to hear. But, if I look at the “no” as a yes to something else it’s a little easier to swallow. It also teaches me something about the other person. It’s less discouraging.
Changing your perspective can change the way you feel about life. Its healthy to take new perspectives. When you just focus on what they said no to, it has a negative feeling. Focus on what they said yes to. Doing that can reveal something positive in the situation. You just might learn something new about the person.
I’ll be starting my journey of looking for the the “unspoken yes”. Let me know if it works for you. I’d love to hear your thoughts!