Grudges. We all have them … unless you are Mother Teresa! I have them … and lately they have been causing me problems. I find myself reacting to the grudge I have with a person, rather than what they just said or did.
I heard a lesson on this same topic last week Thursday. The speaker said that holding a grudge is hard work – it takes a lot of energy and hateful emotion. Shouldn’t it be easier to just let it go? Picture your grudge as a heavy piece of luggage. Is it easier to drag it around with you wherever you go? Or just let go of the handle and leave it behind you? Free yourself of the weight that ties you down – the hoops of revenge you have to go through. If it’s so much easier to let a grudge go, why do people hang on to it for so long?
Good question. Why is that? I know that forgiving others who have wronged you is an important part of healing. You can’t heal a cut on your finger until the sliver is removed. I
It sounds so easy in theory but I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do it. I’ve tried. I’ve been praying for help in letting this one go. Ok – not as often as I could … maybe once a month … alright a few times here and there (mostly when I’m in church and we recite the Lord’s Prayer – forgive those who trespass against us). I just can’t can’t seem to let go. I’m still angry. I’m angry that things are different because of the choices they made. I’m mad that they hurt me so badly … and more than once. I’m frustrated that they didn’t listen to me.
I can feel the grudge living in my heart – right in my chest. It’s the heavy, dark part of my heart. Every time I find myself wanting to react to it, I can feel it like a rock in a balloon. My mind can’t seem to stay focused on what is currently happening. All I feel are the same feelings of when they betrayed me.
I was convicted last week during that lesson. And then the speaker said this: Christians can openly admit all the terrible things they do – because we know and believe we are all sinners. Our sins are not what define us. One one’s sin is greater than another.
So I confess this ugly side of me because it also doesn’t define me. It’s certainly a part of me that needs some work and attention … but it’s not something to beat myself up over. I recognize this sin in my heart and I am committed to mending it. The first step to recovery is admitting that there is a problem in the first place.
What sins are on your heart that need to be spoken? What parts of you are broken that need to be said out loud in order to start healing?