Time … it’s been two years. Two years since I saw Owen alive for the last time. Two years since my home was filled with EMTs and policemen. Two years since I was just a “normal” triplet mom – not the triplet mom that has to explain where the third one is.
I’ve painted my nails orange. I’m bringing dinner to the firehouse that answered my call on May 21, 2011. I’ve invited my closest friends and family for a bonfire. Time has changed May in so many ways. Last year I was so anxious. Counting the days until the anniversary would arrive. This year, it sort of snuck up on me. All of a sudden I found myself saying “I really should plan something – I can’t believe the anniversary is next week already!”
I told a friend on the phone, “I’m doing ok. I feel strong. Of course I would do anything to have my son back, but it’s hard to feel beat down when I have been so richly blessed out of this terrible thing.” See, I also believe that Owen is with the Lord. There is no better place than that. He is with the ultimate protector. I don’t need to worry about where he is or if he is suffering or hurt. He is dancing and singing. He is experiencing a supreme happiness. So when I look at my earthly life – I know I don’t need to worry about Owen anymore. I am free to graciously accept the blessings that have been poured down on me.
I’ve been thinking about what a difference two years makes and I thought I would read my blog post from two years ago: The Magic 8 Ball Knows All (May 20. 2011) Jaden said I would have another baby – a girl to be exact. Could he have been foretelling Josie? The heart I grew and cared for during my 33 weeks and 3 day pregnancy would one day keep another small girl live? It’s hard to say. Perhaps it was my god-daughter Leighton? I’m so in love with her and pray for her as though she were my own child? Again, hard to say …
I am hung up on just how unknowing I was of what the next day had in store for me. I had no idea what was coming or that the picture I posted would be the very last I would ever take of my Owen with his eyes open. I suppose that’s how most tragedies hit – unknowingly. Smack out of no where.
I’ve got my owenge planned for the week. I’ve laid my heart in God’s hands. I ask for His protection this week and for this healing spirit to rejuvenate my broken soul.