Words – so simple yet so powerful.
I’m not even sure where to start. The war, on the right words to choose, has been the root for my long absence in blogs. My words have been on my mind lately – what I choose to say, what I choose to leave silent. There are things I want to say, but it isn’t my place to be the one that delivers the news. There are things that I say with good intentions that hurt people I care about.
A college room mate and dear friend jokes with me that I have “diarrhea of the mouth.” I can talk about almost about anything with just about anyone. No topic is really off limits to me. More eloquently one could say, “I’m an open book.” But sometimes it all comes out at the wrong moment or in the wrong way. I’ve got a lot of depression in my history and I have learned that talking about stuff really helps. By being so open, I hope that I can minister, connect, teach or learn with others. But sometimes I go too far. I lack discernment.
I know there is a lesson in all this mess … it just needs to be sorted out. The pieces of the puzzle will eventually be put together. It’s just really garbled right now. I know the key to the mystery is discernment. Choose wisely.
What is the distinction between gossip and retelling facts to a story? When intentions are pure and innocent, yet the facts hurt or embarrass someone? Is it still gossip if the state of your heart is pure?
I am learning that I talk … a lot. I enjoy telling stories. I like being in the “know.” I find comfort in understanding the “why” behind things. I find reassurance when I am able to explain it to someone else … it gives me self-worth.
At my previous job, I learned that Communication is a strength of mine. Networking came easily – I was a “jack of all trades.” I was a warehouse of random, yet useful, information. I knew who to go to with each question and I was independent when needing answers to my questions. I found pride in being able to solve problems on my own.
I’m not sure when or how it happened, but I soon started getting energy from knowing things. It’s almost like an addiction for me. I get a high from knowing “everything.” I am uncomfortable when I don’t know someone or who to go to with a question. Somewhere along the line I didn’t just like to be “in the know,” I needed to be.
Perhaps that’s the line between gossip and knowledge gathering/sharing … when you need it or get a high from it rather than being done out of functionality.
So I suppose that’s my deep confession as to why I haven’t been blogging lately. I’ve been struggling with what parts of my life that are mine to share and what parts should remain silent. I really miss writing. I miss sharing the deep parts of me that let me connect with so many around the world. Bare with me – I’ll be back and writing with a fury soon! I’ve just got to sort out how I should be using my words and what is mine to tell …
I too know that I talk a lot, but want and need to express myself, which is healthy. Being born with a birth defect is not a easy task, yet I keep talking hoping to get the message of respect out in some way to the world. My cousin is a close friend of your’s and Owen’s story touched me. He gives me strength at hard times, you have an angel who is right at God’s right hand. Thank you for sharing yourself and your story. I am sure you have inspired many and continue to touch others.
I have a daughter who sounds like you – can connect with anyone, carry on a conversation, form friendships easily, but I also see her losing friendships because sometimes the filters that most of us have to determine what is or is not appropriate at any given time, do not exist for her; she sees herself as open and honest, and who am I to judge – my filters often keep me from saying what I really want to, from fear that it will hurt someone, or not be the right thing to say. So am I being respectful and caring, or dishonest in my dealings with others.
It is not for others to try to make people fit into their idea of ‘right’ or ‘perfect’ and I think you are doing a great job of putting down your thoughts and ideas. Yes, there may be people who disagree with you, or find fault with the way you deal with things, but your blog is about YOU and your family. People who wish to find fault can always read someone else’s blog.
I know that you will find the right path for you – you are caring and careful with other people’s feelings; but it needs to feel right for you, too. God bless.
Good Morning Mel. I follow your blog and funny thing, yesterday I was thinking… hmmmm haven’t seen anything lately. Know that whatever struggles you going through at this time, I will be upholding you in prayer.
Jeanette Terry Applications Analyst Radiation Oncology Froedtert Hospital 9200 W Wisconsin Avenue Milwaukee WI 53228 414-805-4367
Ah Melisssa I too have bee guilty of diarreah of the mouth. I love to talk and I too can talk to just about anyone about anything. It however has sometimes been my downfall. I don’t always filter what I’m saying and that can come off like I’m either insensitive or I just don’t care (and neither of those are true). However I am learning to just watch myself a little bit when I’m around people who don’t know me very well or who are sensititve to comments. I cannot change myself completely and I thank God for givinng me such great friends that love me just the way I am.
Mel, you seem to put into words my own thoughts and feelings as well. While our life experiences are not the same, from what you write, our thoughts and feelings are so, so similar. You are my one “non-education” (I’m a teacher) blog that I follow simply because you share your thoughts and feelings and I am reminded that I am not alone. You validate what goes through my mind and my heart. I will wait patiently for future posts and understand your need to take pause before “talking” again.
Hi Shannon – you are certainly NOT alone! You offer me comfort in knowing I’m not the only one either. Thanks for reading!