I want to blog more … I want to share … but for some reason it’s hard to write about my thoughts, feelings and experiences. I feel uninspired these days … months … probably close to a year. I feel private. Maybe it’s that I’ve gone back to work – more of my day is filled with tasks and business than being left to experience life with my kids. I’m forced to think about lists and getting things done than just getting down on the ground to play.
I hate that my weekends are filled with cleaning and laundry. My free time at night is filled with packing lunches and reading school papers. I miss having play dates with other mom friends – finding random excuses to just get out of the house – folding laundry while the kids play at my feet. I think I even miss being driven nutty by two naughty boys taking their diapers off and pooping in the middle of the room. Ok probably not really … but life is certainly very different than six months ago.
In the same breath, I will say that Monday and Tuesday of this week were interesting. Here, in the Midwest, we were experiencing some pretty extreme cold weather … like -55 degrees. Needless to say, school and daycare were closed. I was thrown back into my “old” ways in being a stay at home mom for the day. I remember thinking, “we have made breakfast, played legos and a wii game and it’s only 9 a.m. … holy crap how are we going to make it through the day?!?!” We managed 🙂 Ok … I was actually able to really enjoy moments of the day. The boys took all of the blankets, pillows, sheets and clean laundry (not so thrilled with that one) and built a ship in the living room – which consisted of a huge pile on the couch. They all told me that mom was not allowed on the ship. I wasn’t even upset 🙂 My boys were bonding and loving each other and I was totally ok with that. (I eventually bought my way into the ship by making some fresh popcorn.)
I’m going to continue to work on why I am feeling so un-inspired to write. I miss the dialogue with my readers and hearing from you in the comments. I miss hearing the Holy Spirit in my ear, using my fingers, to share messages with other moms and readers. I’m still hearing God’s whispers … it’s just not nudging me to write on my blog. I continue to write and work out my thoughts in my personal journal. I just don’t hear the whisper to blog. I miss it … I want to come back to it … perhaps it’s better lifted up in prayer. I will go wherever the Lord leads me … even if it’s away from a place that I really love.
It will come in time, part of healing from loss is private reflection. As moms of multiples, we have little spare time. Right now, your spare time is being led by the Lord to do some of your best healing privately. We will be here to listen when you are ready to share more with the world.
I miss it too!! 🙁