Sometimes it’s really hard to remember how awesome I am. I don’t mean this in a boastful or prideful way … I mean this in an “I’m an amazing child of God, and the greatest king in the world is in love with me so I should be able to love myself” sort of way. Sometimes my desire to love someone else shadows the truth that they don’t honor me. I want to badly to share my life with someone, I’m blind to the fact that they aren’t worthy of how awesome I am.
For years I believed the lies people told me. I was told that I was lazy, fat, messy, used and unlovable. I started to believe that if I could just “be” better, then I would be lovable. Then, I would be worthy of being taken out for dinner. Maybe then someone would notice me – would see the light I felt inside but felt like no one could see.
Deep in my gut I know that I’m good. I know that I’m special, but on the surface it’s hard to believe. It’s hard to expect people to respect me. To accept nothing less than love and respect from those around me. When I’m mistreated, I default to thinking that I deserved it in some way. I must have done something to deserve it.
To some degree, I might have. I’m not perfect. I mess up – say the wrong thing – say hurtful things – mistreat those that I love. I’m human. But here is my new revelation … I might have deserved someone being upset with me, but I don’t deserve being disrespected. There is a difference. You can be hurt and upset and still honor another person as valuable.
Where to go from here? What’s the next step? I have no clue … at all. I guess, just like any other realization I’ve had, I put one foot in front of the other. Each morning I wake up, I remind myself that I am awesome. I look myself in the mirror and say … you are worthy enough, you are strong enough, and you are good enough just the way you are. I keep walking like the warrior mama I am and I keep fighting. I keep fighting for my life, for a better tomorrow. I keep trying to get it right, or at least better.
Each day is a brand new day. It’s a brand new start, a fresh slate. I claim it as mine. I claim my day as a work in progress …
I will never expect someone to be perfect, to be without making mistakes or to be blameless. To me, respect will look like the same in return. To take me just as I am … to honor and cherish the good and awesome parts of me and to tolerate the not-so-awesome parts of me.
Don’t forget how awesome YOU are. The way you view yourself is one thing that no one can take from you … they might try … but it’s yours. Claim your awesomeness!
Love, Mel