Earlier this week my parents took Jaden on an overnight to Iowa. That meant, I had a night where it was just Logan, Weston and I. When I was a stay at home mom, it was just the three of us every day. Since I’ve gone back to work, I’m not sure when the last time I had the triplets all on my own. Monday night was a little treat for everyone 🙂
I had wonderful plans of cuddling up on the couch with the triplets, some popcorn and watching a movie, cuddling before bed. We weren’t even through dinner before the bad weather knocked the power out. Then the fun really began …
I couldn’t find a candle for the life of me. I had packed them all away since they were merely decorative – I didn’t really need them, right? So here I am, in the basement, with my iPhone flashlight looking at all these boxes … I must have gone through all of them four times until I found the ONE box I didn’t check – the one at the bottom of the stairs. As in, the very first box I would have come across and I just walked right by it. OYE. The good news is I found plenty of candles. Thank you Jesus for iPhone flashlights!
I quickly grabbed a few things out of the fridge just in case (i.e. my wine for when the kids were sleeping … I had great plans of reading a book by candlelight with my wine) … I then instructed the boys not to open the fridge. They didn’t quite get it … they kept forgetting and would try to get a yogurt or more water in his cup. Drove me a little nutty.
Then, the boys decided they were going to have a sword fight … in the dark … not the smartest idea, as you can imagine. It was only a matter of minutes before someone got clipped in the knuckles and was crying. That’s it, we were done with swords. I asked Weston to give me the one he was holding. He looked me right in the eye and flicked his sword up into the air. It came crashing down on the table – just barely missing all the candles. I had a flash of the house burning down. The sword landed in my wine glass instead … my full wine glass of the-only-cold-white-wine-I-was-going-to-have-that-night … it crashed to the floor, glass and liquid heaven flying in all directions. My usually defiant Weston knew right away and for the first time in my life, he went to the time-out chair on his own without having to be walked there. I instructed Logan to sit on the kitchen tile while I attempted to clean up wine and broken glass off the living room floor … IN THE DARK! Not really the start to my cuddly night I had imagined.
We read half a dozen books and then attempted to go to bed. We walked by iPhone flashlight and I tucked them both in their beds. You would have thought that the complete darkness would have been calming. Not for my boys! Pitch black = gymnastics! They were crazy! And by crazy, I mean it took me two HOURS to get them to settle down and go to sleep. Now, let me also say not the entire two hours was horrible. They were pretty darn cute too! At one point, they were cuddling in Logan’s bed together. Cute until Weston bit Logan. At another point, I played the Frozen soundtrack and Logan and Weston sang along with all the words. Eventually they both snuggled in and fell asleep.
By this point, the house was getting hot and I was tired and uncomfortable. My phone was almost was dead so I decided to go out to the car to plug it in for a while. I walked out the back door to find a HUGE animal in my garbage can. The animal scattered and I yelped loud. Not sure who scared the other more! While sitting in the car, watching the little green lightening bolt, I started to really freak myself out. The street was dark … really dark. It’s usually pretty lit up with the street lights, the church parking lot and the huge light up sign outside. But I couldn’t even see across the street. I felt like when I was a little girl and had to run up the basement stairs “just in case” because it felt like someone was chasing me. I braved it until my phone got to 60% and then I ran back inside, quickly locking the door behind me. I tried to not psych myself out … no such luck. I grabbed one candle, my wine, my journal and decided to write in my bed with the covers over my head.
It came time to blow out the candle. I made sure to put the lighter close to bed, just in case. At 3:30 a.m. I opened my eyes groggy, there was something lit up. All I could think was, “Crap! I thought I blew the candle out! I lit the whole house on fire!” After 2.5 seconds I realized the light was coming from the living room – the power was back on! I got out of bed to check on the house and turn off the lights. I crawled back to bed and treated myself to a few games of Candy Crush before going back to sleep.
Who knew the sound of cartoons would be like sweet music at 6 a.m.? Who knew I would have another surprise?!? I was getting into the shower when I found THIS on the curtain:
I can’t even tell the story without wiggling all around. Gross-gross-gross! It was time to put on my big girl pants one more time. I grabbed the biggest wad of toilet paper I could. I climbed up on the edge of the tub and I let out a ninja scream as I killed that sucker! ew ew ew I shivered as I threw the ball into the toilet and flushed. I jumped into the shower and as I was washing my face, trying to find my happy place again, I looked up to find ANOTHER SPIDER up in the corner – this time too high for me to reach. Sick – I closed my eyes and took the world’s quickest shower.
By this point, I was so over being the adult. Not just the adult, but the only adult in the house. I was exhausted of playing both mom and dad. There was a very vulnerable moment when I just wanted someone to protect me. I was tired of being strong and I just wanted to be weak. I wanted to fall limp into someone’s arms and be taken care of. I allowed myself to feel this for just a while. Any longer, and the feelings would have started to take root. I can’t afford to be shaken at my foundation right now. My children need me to be strong. So strong I am – Supermom/dad, cook, comforter, disciplinary, protector, handyman, bringer home of the bacon – I’m it all. I’m strong not by desire or any power of my own, I’m strong because my kids need me to be and because I ask for God’s help.
Oh, sweet girl I think ALL of us single moms have been there. You’re not alone. Reading that last paragraph made me teary-eyed. There was actually someone else besides me that felt that SAME way. We DO need others. It IS exhausting to be “it” ALL the time. Sometimes I wish we had a “reset” button. Again, you’re not alone.