When the boys were younger, my favorite part of the day was the monkey pile while watching our bedtime tv show. I loved to cuddle with my boys. Cuddling with them brought me (and them) comfort.
Sometimes the cuddling was more of a monkey pile. But do you see those boy’s faces? They look so happy!
Now, the boys are 13 and nine. They are in 7th and 3rd grade. I knew it would happen some day. I knew that my cuddle would one day no longer comfort the boys.
When they were little, being asked to sit with them until they fell asleep felt like a burden. After a long day of work and being mom, I just wanted to sit down and decompress. I felt spread too thin. There are three of them, and only one of me. That means if I agreed to sit with Jaden for 15 mins, I also need to sit with Logan and Weston adding more than 45 minutes to the end of my day. It became easier to say no to it all.
My cuddle days are numbered.
It suddenly hit me. Weston is the only one who still finds comfort from sitting on my lap. He’s the only one left who asks me to sit at the foot of his bed while he tries to fall asleep. Don’t touch him though, just sit there.
Even as I write this post, he came into the room and snuggled next to me on the same square on the couch.
When I realized that my cuddle days are coming to an end, I decided I needed to soak up as much as I could.
As I walked into the little’s bedroom, it hit me. They won’t always ask me to sit with them. They won’t always beg for me to play their favorite podcast for them, or to refill their water or get them a bedtime snack. They won’t need me forever.
Logan and Jaden are more independent. They will still hug and kiss their mama (on the cheek) because I make them. But they don’t need me like they used to. Weston, on the other hand, still needs my snuggles. He needs my physical affection. I decided that any time the boys asked me to sit with them, I would, because it won’t be long before they don’t need me to anymore.
Cuddling is different for Weston.
For the last few years we have been struggling with Weston’s behavior. He was having huge melt downs and spurts of anger towards his family and friends. I’m pretty sure his teachers and the school principal have my number on speed dial.
We recently found that Weston has severe anxiety. So severe we’ve had to put him on medication. Since starting his new meds, he’s a brand new kid! He can articulate what is upsetting him, what he needs and he can seek comfort when he needs it.
When he asks me to sit on his bed at night, I used to feel inconvenienced. I have so many chores or tasks that needed my attention. I just want the boys to put themselves to bed. They are almost ten after all. It hit me that one day (probably soon) not only will he not need me to cuddle him, he won’t want me to anymore.
So I am “that” mom who will stop doing the dishes to sit on their bed. I will close my laptop if Weston comes and crawls on my lap. I will stop putting the groceries away when Jaden walks by and quickly gives me a hug before anyone sees. Or when he’s a too-cool-13-years-old but just needs his mama after an unusually hard day.
My boys will let me know when they are too old to cuddle.
They will also tell me when they need to cuddle. When they need it, I’ll be ready!