The time is set. Owen goes into surgery at 6:15pm. About two hours.
We opted last night to do an autopsy. Since there isn’t a positive idea of why Owen stopped breathing, we felt it was the responsible thing to do. With the boys we wanted to make sure that there isn’t a defect.
Late last night we got a call. It was the medical examiner. They said that they were claiming responsibility of the autopsy rather than letting Children’s take care of it. That meant after the surgery the state who take Owens body, take it somewhere, do the autopsy, then release him to the funeral home. Doug was livid. He felt there was no reason our little guy couldn’t stay with the people at Children’s, ones we trust.
I told Doug to let me take on this weight. It was best for the boys and we should let him go. We really won’t even know the difference.
Doug and I went home today to get the baptismal blanket. It wasn’t scarey like it thought it might be. It feels like home. Owen is still there. We did dumb stuff like throw away the spoiled food, empty the garbage. I hung some clean clothes and started the dishwasher.
We got back to my parents house. I called to check in on Owen. The donor network coordinator told me that since the medical examiner wanted to take over the autopsy … they wouldn’t be able to take out his tubes.
I have asked for two things … to hold Owen’s hand when they pronounced him brain dead and to hold my child, free of tubes. Owen was pronounced at 9:14 last night but I wasn’t told until 9:32 and I was sitting in a chair in the corner. And now I won’t see him without his tubes?
I’m angry. I’ve given so much and tried to be unselfish. Letting the doctors do their job, following protocol, fighting to ensure kids would receive a donation. Is it really too much to ask Lord? Just to hold my baby again, like before?
I don’t think I am strong enough … I don’t have anymore to give! Why Lord is this happening? What do you see that don’t?
——
Ok … I was writing in the car on the way to the hospital and we just arrived. Lord was laughing at me when I was mad. He said just you wait Melissa.
We walked in and his GI tubes fell out! Take that medical examiner! He’ll still have the breathing tube and IVs but I can see his face!
We also received an update that his liver, kidneys AND heart all have matches. Get this … both of his kidneys are going to an adult. That makes three recipients. The number three. This time a good three … Not four organs minus one would equal three. We prayed for a miracle and we are getting three.
My Owen lives on. Amen!